Life after living in Italy

Why am I the one who always feels like I have to apologize when I have done nothing wrong. Problems just don’t disappear, why do people act like they do. I was always one to face a problem head on. But when does it get to the point where its not worth it anymore since the other person doesn’t seem to care? 

I understand that I have probably been more needy, selfish, miserable and moody since I’ve been home from Italy. I get it. But rather than helping me, I feel like people put salt in the wounds. I have been gone for four months. I have been away from my boyfriend, only being able to sometimes text, write messages and randomly skype. I feel like I have the right to be needy for a while and want to see him as much as I can. Take advantage of every time we are together to enjoy each others company. But it doesn’t work out that way.

Starting work helped a bit, but now I feel even more distant from him than before. It still feels like were in a long distance relationship but this time just a handful of miles apart. Seeing each other for two hours at 11pm really isn’t enough for a solid relationship. I am missing the depth of a relationship that we used to have. Last summer and even last winter was so special. I felt like he would want to be with me, that he would do everything he could to see me. This time around, its not even close. Holding hands would be so meaningful, I could feel the energy just by our fingers touching, and now it feels like a chore, that he has to hold my hand because hes my boyfriend, not because he actually wants to. 

I feel lonely.

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USA!

So this is my second day home, and I feel like I’ve never left.

The day I left florence, Tara and I got to the airport at 7:10AM, with every single other study abroad student. the Florence airport was a complete mess and  I couldnt believe how frustrated I was. Why don’t they make lines convenient. Instead we had to move from one line to get our boarding pass, then another line to pay for our extra bags, then back to the first line to drop our bags off. WELL that took till 9:30 when we were called for Last call. We were still in line to pay for our extra bag at that time. We left the line so we could just catch our plane. Luckily everything else went smoothly, even at Paris CDG airport wasnt too bad and very accommodating. They told me I’d have to pay for my bags in Paris, but I literally had an hour to get from the farthest gates and then through all the passport inspection.

When I got to Boston, the lines for passport control was out of control and waiting for bags to come out was a mess. James was there waiting for me and I was supposed to see his show, but OF COURSE it took way too long to do all that stuff that he had to leave to play  his show. I was sitting crying at the airport while everyone was greeting their loved ones for an hour. I saw maybe 100 people come and go. It was pretty depressing. Finally James came back and I was happy. We got burritos, drank sam summers and watched Gaga’s HBO concert. Life is good being home :)

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One week.

One week left and I should be thrilled that I am going home. I want to be home so badly but now that its getting closer to the date, nothing is going as planned and everything that I was hoping wouldn’t happen, is happening. I have never been so unhappy, frustrated and irritated this whole time studying abroad. 

Expectations are the main reason for all my problems. I HAD high expectations for when I came home. Now that literally everything has gone wrong, I have no expectations anymore and going home is going to be… a mess. 

What to do, what to do…

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Madrid.

HMMM I can’t figure out how I feel about Madrid.

It really wasnt a bad trip except for my flight home. Seeing gabby and andria was great and it made me appreciate being home so much more. I got to see where they lived and what they had to deal with every day and it’s so crazy how everyone’s Study abroad experience is different. They’re living space was just inconvenient. Especially with the spanish residence either getting better treatment or just being rude and annoying.

Right when I got to Madrid, I met Gabby and some school friends for lunch, burgers and sangria! My first real Spanish sangria.. it was delicious mmmm! I really needed to get some rest because the few days before I was running on zero sleep so I decided to not go out that night.

Thursday Gabby took me all around Madrid. It is gorgeous, so many parks and plazas! I wasn’t expecting Madrid to look the way it did, it is also much bigger than I thought it was going to be. I got Starbucks for a special treat :) and had the famous churros and chocolate and that was delicious! That night was 90’s night at joy which was hilarious and so fun. Andria had a strike of bad luck where she broke her ring from Venice, got a bubble in her eye from a bubble machine and then cut her foot from a broken glass. Literally the cut was so deep and she wouldn’t stop bleeding. The bathroom was all bloody and a bouncer came in and picked her up and brought us to the locker room, where a woman cleaned her foot and bandaged it. All in all it was a great night, especially when you can say you’ve been to a night club and they’ve played NSYNC.

Friday we went to a Calvin Harris concert at an awesome club. The venue was huge and circular with a bar in the middle. I don’t remember much… Don’t know if Calvin Harris was even there, and who really cares because who ACTUALLY knows who that person is? Saturday we went shopping around and just hung out with everyone. Today we went to the largest flee market in Europe called rastro. Bought some presents and great jewelry! Had to leave early because my flight was at 1…

Here is where the fun began. First Madrid’s airport is huge, had trouble finding my way around for a bit. Finally got to Ryan Air’s gates and the woman at the desk made me check my bag for 35 euro!! I have traveled with this bag 3 other flights and it has been fine!!!!!!! I was so mad I wanted to cry. Then we boarded late, obviously. I got on the plane around 1:35. Sat and waited for everyone else to board. At 2:00 the pilot comes on and says we missed our scheduled time for the runway so we were going to have to wait an HOUR! We were already an hour late!!!!!! We ended up lifting off around 2:30. On the plane a little baby boy was sitting across the aisle. A little baby girl from a few rows in front of us waddled over to him and they were standing in front of eachother and the little girl kissed the little boy! Cutest moment ever. 

Landed around 4:15, headed back to Florence on the train. Now I am stressing myself over all the shit I have to do, and I’d rather blog instead. 

So all in all I can’t really figure out how I feel about Madrid. 

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